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Heart to heart – HEALING

HEALING
It is my wounds. It is my wounds. I am responsible to look into them. Before I do, before I understand them, accept them – other people will open them, again and again. Forcing me to feel the deep pain of them, again and again.

When I am living from my head, it is almost like I am looking for someone who is really skilled in opening up my wounds, even putting some extra salt into them. It is like I am waiting for someone to betray me so that the part of me whispering – ”You cannot trust others” – can be right. Because, weirdly enough, to my mind, it seems like it is more important to be right than to heal, than to fully enjoy life.

However, I do have a choice to leave the head to instead enter my body, and from there starting a healing process. From there finding the trust I need to dare digging deeper. From there trying to understand myself and my wounds. From there taking responsibility and realising that it is my wounds and it is up to me to heal them. It is not everybody else’s fault that I am constantly getting hurt by the same situations over and over and over again.

Right now, I am feeling scared but also ready to fully jump into the place of trust again. Staying present. Letting go of what has happened before, allowing people to walk into my life. All the way. Into my heart. Into my soul.

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Training for life

Sometimes, I do feel more at home with trees than humans but those rare moment of meeting a pair of eyes shining from the soul straight into mine are better than anything else. ❤ From the deepest part of my heart, thank you baravara for these blissful, silent, crazy, tough, funny, raw, painful & above all REAL 1,5 years together. I will never ever forget.

Tystnad och flightmode

KÄRA NI! Lämnat Bretagne en kortis för att avsluta Training for Life. Retreatprogramet jag skrivit om tidigare som hålls på baravara (läs mer här). Trainingen har bestått av att vi under 1,5 års tid åker upp till baravara i Dalarna 11 gånger och får chansen att dyka in i oss själva på olika retreat. Nu är det alltså sista retreatet…heeeeelt galet.

 

En training som är omöjlig att beskriva med ord men det jag kan säga är att den varit galet omtumlande, fylld av mörker, ilska, sorg men samtidigt alldeles underbar. Det starkaste och vackraste jag upplevt i mitt liv tror jag. Så tacksam att jag tagit mig hit alla gånger och fått chansen att dyka inåt. Ojojoj… vi får se vad detta retreat kommer leda mig. Nervös och taggad på samma gång. Det jag vet är att jag kommer gå in i flightmode från och med idag till söndag, resten har jag ingen aning om. Ska bli såååååå spännande att dyka in i mig själv igen. ALL KÄRLEK!

Foto – Agnes Maltesdotter

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