It is my wounds. It is my wounds. I am responsible to look into them. Before I do, before I understand them, accept them – other people will open them, again and again. Forcing me to feel the deep pain of them, again and again.
When I am living from my head, it is almost like I am looking for someone who is really skilled in opening up my wounds, even putting some extra salt into them. It is like I am waiting for someone to betray me so that the part of me whispering – ”You cannot trust others” – can be right. Because, weirdly enough, to my mind, it seems like it is more important to be right than to heal, than to fully enjoy life.
However, I do have a choice to leave the head to instead enter my body, and from there starting a healing process. From there finding the trust I need to dare digging deeper. From there trying to understand myself and my wounds. From there taking responsibility and realising that it is my wounds and it is up to me to heal them. It is not everybody else’s fault that I am constantly getting hurt by the same situations over and over and over again.
Right now, I am feeling scared but also ready to fully jump into the place of trust again. Staying present. Letting go of what has happened before, allowing people to walk into my life. All the way. Into my heart. Into my soul.