Found myself drawn in to something strong. A drama that was making my mind to go even more crazy than usual, my body to shiver, my breath to be shallow. At first, I went outside myself, doing everything I could to find a solution. Working hard, day and night, to receive an answer.
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This has been lasting for some moments. Actually, for some days now.
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However, today, the small whispering voice inside my heart finally reached me again…
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”Josefine, you can always come back here to find clarity.”
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So, this morning, I sat down. Stepped back. Noticed my breath. Felt my heartbeats. Received perspective. Arrived at the place in my body nobody can take away from me. Realised that I, for some days, totally lost myself and got completely identified with the drama.
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So my conclusion, my lesson, which I apparently need to learn many times, is that no matter how much the world around me is shaking – there is always a peaceful and still point inside my heart. ❤️

A wonderful therapist asked me a few years back, what’s your relationship to guilt? My quick response, hmm that’s not a feeling I am familiar with, I never feel quilt.
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But when I looked deeper, I actually realised that the opposite was true. Guilt was with me all the time. All the time. It was such a common feeling for me that I didn’t even realise it was a feeling. I thought it was who I was. The thing is, I was completely lost in the world of ambition. And when I was there in the state of just doing, doing, and doing – I was feeling guilt as soon as I was not working towards decreasing my never ending to-do list. Or actually, even those moments when I was working hard with a point on my list, I felt guilty because I was not working efficient enough, I could of course always do everything a bit better.
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Living with guilt is the most destructive way of living I can imagine, it is like walking around with clouds constantly hindering me from enjoying the real sun, claws around the head stopping me from thinking clearly, cramps in my belly keeping me from being in my body – like being dead before I actually stopped breathing.
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Noticing the contrast. Some moments in life, I am full. Full of energy. Full of love. Full of inspiration. So full that I cannot help
myself to share this with the world. It is overflowing. It is real and it streams like an open source from my heart to others. ✨✨✨

Other moments, the opposite is true. I am empty. I have nothing to give. I feel drained. I feel exhausted. I feel uninspired. If I try to give from that place, every part of my body is reacting and screaming NO. It is impossible to give from that space. I have nothing of value to offer. And you will of course notice. ✨✨✨

At first, I thought that in those moments I had been working too much, that I needed vacation. But interestingly enough, I have come to realise that this isn’t the whole truth, it isn’t just about the workload (though it can be related), the deeper reason is that I lost the contact with myself. I have went to the outside, forgot my inside. All of my senses were on the outside for too long. All of my awareness had gone to other people for too long so there is no more contact with my inside. I have forgotten my own heart, my own body. ✨✨✨

So I sit down, sometimes it just take a few sittings, sometimes a few days of sittings but it always works. Meditation always works. ❤️