Breathing and moving with my pain… today, my yoga practice was just that. PAINFUL.

At first, huge resistance. As always, when discomfort is showing up, I used all my techniques trying to get rid of it, change it to something else. But then, after a bunch of breathing exercises, challenging postures, & intense shaking I gave up. Allowed my body to just fall down. Rest in savasana. Die.

I finally accepted the pain. Melted inside the pain. Realising, maybe this pain is there to make me aware of something. To actually receive the willingness to question. To go deeper within myself. To dare making changes in my life when it is needed. So even though I am scared, so scared when this darkness in entering my body, I am also grateful for how it, again and again, is guiding me inside.

If I don’t watch myself I easily fall back and get stuck in the serious world. It’s like there is a strong force around me that wants to kill my playfulness and put me back into the serious box. A force that wants me to be a structured and responsible grown up – all the time – rather than a flowing and alive human being. A force that never wants me to play, laugh, and just be present. Instead it tells me to always be in control, work hard, and have a detailed plan for every aspect of life.

And when the seriousness enters my life again, my body automatically goes back to old patterns… my shoulders move up towards my ears, the weight around my heart comes back, my jaws are tightening, the softness in my belly disappears…

My main practice right now is actually not be on my yogamat for hours, instead it is to really allow my inner playful child to shine through everyday because it is at those childish moments I really feel ALIVE.

When I am in my heart, it is so easy. I don’t need to create lists for plus and minus. For good and bad. I don’t need to think a second time. I just know what is good for me in every single moment.
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Still, I am often finding myself completely lost in my head trying up to be smart, understand things, analyse, or make a good plan. But I have tried that way too much in my life already. It will never ever work. No matter what decision I am standing in front of I better move my awareness down a few centimetres, allowing my heart to open and guide me forward because, only with that strategy, life can flow with ease. Life can show me love.
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