Just finished two days of silence, two days of being offline, two days of being in my own company, listening to my own body, moment to moment. Only two days and I am feeling so present, so connected, so full of energy that I am about to explode.

TWO DAYS. It is nothing. I ask myself, why am I not doing this more often? At the same time knowing that some people are never ever, in their entire life, retreating like this.

Many people come to our Yogiakdemin retreats – getting shocked, nervous, scared, irritated – when we, on the first day, are telling them that we will be in silence until 2 pm every day and in the middle of the week we will enter 40 hours of silence together. I am not at all judging these people, it is absolutely nothing wrong with them BUT it is something wrong with our society. How can it be such a “new” thing, such a big deal to be in silence for a few hours?

With this in mind, I am not shocked at all that so many people are having depressions, burn outs, eating disorders, disease, addictions to all kinds of stuff. Of course, this is the reality of our society when most of us never stop to listen to our bodies and inner voices. When the biggest fear of most people are – themselves. Because, if it isn’t yourself, why would you be so resistance towards being in silence? Some people say they are getting bored but for me that is even more sad, how can you be bored so quickly of being in your own company?

Isn’t it crazy that we are living our lives constantly doing things, being occupied, running as fast as we can, learning about so many things in the outside world, trying to build relationships with other people but what about the relationship to ourself? What about getting to know how our own body is functioning, how our inner voice is speaking to us?

I am definitely not saying that I want to live by myself, like an hermit always, but in order to appreciate the company of others and the activity of the society I need to shut everything off sometimes. To understand what is mine, what is yours. To arrive back into myself. I am curious, do you agree with me or maybe you don’t need silence to feel yourself?

Photo Mohammed Salik

In school we learn how to be the best copy cats. To get the A+, we discover that memorising every single word and sentences from the books is way better than sharing our own views and thoughts.

I have to admit, in the beginning when I started to teach yoga, I used the same method. I went to someone else’s class and tried to copy exactly what that teacher had shared with us – the sequence, the playlist, the theme. I guess it worked to a certain extent since people came to my classes even back than but it was exhausting and boring for me to memorise and I guess (and hope) that the yogis on the mat could tell that this wasn’t completely real and pure, that this was a teacher who used beautiful words but she hadn’t truly found her own way, her own voice, her own heart, in what she was sharing in the yoga room.

Today, I crave doing the opposite, the most boring thing I know is to copy someone else or having to adapt to “yoga-rules” when I teach. I know nothing better than closing my eyes, going deep inside myself, and see what wants to bubble from there. When the inspiration to a class, a retreat, a text, or anything else, comes from my own heart, from my own meditations, my own life… it is such a blessing, such a relief to share it with others.

I am sure we all have something magical, unique, pure to offer to the world but only when we resist the temptation to take the short way out, mimicking someone else. Only when we dare to go through the layers of pain, restlessness, anxiety to find our own heart and inspiration. Isn’t it so that regardless of subject, it is always interesting to listen to someone who is real and speaking form their open heart?

I am always longing for someone to listen, really really listen, receiving my words and what is in between my words. Sitting in front of me with full awareness, with pure presence. Not trying to figure me out. Not trying to help me. Not trying to fix me. Not worrying about me. Not wanting anything from me. Instead – JUST LISTENING.

Why is it sooo rare? Why do most of us have such a hard time letting go of our own story for a moment and just receiving someone else? I guess we do have a lot to learn from the trees when it comes to this skill.